Feeling the strain

I haven't written in forever. It seems that no matter how much work I get done there always seems to be more. Between centers and weird writing lesson plans and all the things people want me to do I think I am going to lose my mind.

I still have 26 kids and now all on my own for sure. I wish that I could say that I am doing a phenomenal job in teaching these children but I am always behind. I am not doing the million things that are even on my lesson plans because I spend too much time trying to keep the children in order. I am resenting all the people giving me advice on handling my class when they are not in my shoes each and every day. While one kid is throwing a fit another one is hitting one on the back and running away and I am left to wonder where to turn to and which situation to handle first.

There are some days when all I want to do is cry and let them run all over me but then I see my good kids. The ones that are always sitting up nice and tall waiting to hear directions and I tell myself for those kids I need to try. I need to get over myself and teach the lesson on my plans. When I do this I know for a fact that there will be a bunch of kids not listening to directions or doing whatever they feel like instead of getting the education they come to school to get. It depresses me to think that I am working as hard as I am and still only a few of the goals will be met. I keep telling myself that if they know all their letters and sounds and how to write the numbers to 20 I will be happy, but this is a sad  little goal. I have children in that class that are already reading small words and that have a high level of comprehension but I have so many more that can barely write their first name legibly (or not at all) who may not even reach that small goal.

This year is depressing to think about but sitting here in bed while I try to get over a sciatica flare up there is very little else to think over. Maybe I should just read a book....